13 weeks

Hi folks (if there's any folks out there...helloooo?)

So things haven't been great for the last couple of months. My ear seems to be a constant bother now, rather than an intermittent thing. I haven't been to the gym for months. I had a few good days over Christmas and attempted to go for a bike ride - half way up the second hill (maybe 10 mins in) along came the autophony - I had to walk my bike home while sobbing hysterically. I must've looked like a little girl who'd just had her lunch money stolen.

I've done a little bit of walking lately, but the other day I let the dog off the leash and ran around with her for a couple of minutes - autophony. Tears.

I've been seeing a chiropractor - and after the first adjustment all my symptoms disappeared! I was so happy. But they all came back within a week.

I've been having a bout of vertigo for the last week or so too which has brought up the possibility of my condition maybe being Superior Canal Dishiscence Syndrome. That's where there's a tiny gap in the bone above the semi-circular canal in the inner ear. The good news is, that with a high resolution cat scan of the temporal bone, it can be detected (and thus definitively diagnosed, unlike PET). There's then an option of cranial surgery which has a high success rate.

So, scary brain surgery aside, I really hope that's what it is. I have doubts though - sadly I think that I do have PET, and my balance problems are a separate issue.

My chiropractor wants to treat me over four weeks and if there's been no improvement he has a GP to send me to who he assures will actually listen.

It's just that hardly anyone seems to have heard of either condition (SCDS was only discovered in 1998) and people just think I'm crazy.

This problem is ruining my life. I've been depressed almost to the point of feeling suicidal over the last few weeks.

In weight-related news, I'm up about 4kgs from my pre-NZ weight. Healthy eating and exercise go hand in hand for me so if I can't exercise I find it so much more difficult to eat well. Depression doesn't help.

Thank you for your engagement congratulations, I'm starting to get excited about the whole wedding thing, although I keep worrying about my ear on the actual day. We are looking at getting married next year, I like the last weekend of March but I suppose that will depend on the availability of whatever venue we decide on.

We're inspecting Montsalvat in Eltham on the weekend and Melbourne Zoo next weekend. I have fallen in love with Montsalvat from photos, plus the interiors are beautiful so weather becomes less important (actually I think a dark day would really suit the place!). It's expensive though. It's hard to know what our budget is because my parents haven't yet said how much they're willing to contribute.

I always wanted to get married up in the Dandenongs but since actually looking at the places, they all just look the same to me. Wedding machines - the same wedding week in week out, spitting them out over and over. I do not want to be a cog in a wedding machine!

I'm going to be starting study soon, in IT. I have a secret ambition of becoming a nutritionist or dietician but simply can't afford to study full-time so I don't know how I will ever realise this!