I survived Saturday! I didn't do too badly, really. I had 6 beers and 4 Jim Beam premixes - with sugar free cola. Of course drinking that much isn't ideal, but it's grand final day! And you know, last year I was going to "stick to the plan" - I only "allowed" myself 2 beers and I think I took my own food, and you know, I ended up drinking and eating WAY more that day than I did this time, when I allowed myself a "day off".
My lunch wasn't too bad, I had a tiny portion of our host's fried rice, a chicken & veg rissole on a wholemeal roll with salad and a gluten free sausage.
Of course I did enjoy some lollies and dark chocolate M&Ms over the course of the day, but meh. By the time it got to dinner I was at a different person's house and couldn't see straight, but I think I ate some very questionable pasta and scalloped potatoes. But only a little bit, because I felt sick from all the booze. I just figured that if I ate something I might feel better. I didn't.
Got home at midnight and passed out in bed, only to wake up at 6am on the couch. Uh oh. Sometimes after drinking I sleepwalk. Well, not really sometimes - this was the 3rd time ever, that I know of. It was the first time I've woken up somewhere other than my bed - in the past I've only found out because people have told me.
It was the scariest thing - I've never had blackouts from drinking or anything like that so to wake up somewhere different to where I fell asleep just freaked me the fuck out. Apparently I'd knocked over a bottle of water, picked it up and took it out to the kitchen to refill it. Then I came back to bed put the water bottle down, and left again. Bass Boy didn't realise I was doing this IN MY SLEEP.
Yesterday was a bit of a write-off, all carbs and too many pretzels. Meh. I resisted all urges for McDonalds cheeseburgers so I'll call it a success ;)
Weigh-in: 83.5
Woohoo! I didn't have a proper weigh-in last week so that's a kilo gone in 2 weeks - but of course there was the days of sickness in there too! So you can eat too many slices of pizza and erm, a block of chocolate and still lose weight! Well... I suppose you wouldn't want to be doing that on any kind of regular basis, but anyway.
Got to the gym nice and early this morning so I could have a chance at arriving at the GFD bbq before the game starts. Except then I waited wayyy too long for coffee at the shops and now I'm sitting here blogging instead of getting ready and it's 12pm so er.... I should get moving really. Need to wash my hair and clean out the esky and get drinks.
I realised that apart from a couple of hoodies and some workout gear (that I had to buy a few months ago when my old pants didn't fit anymore!) I haven't bought any clothes this year, due to my miserable state. And for the last few years it's become somewhat a tradition for me to buy a new outfit for the grand final, I dunno why. Anyway so I bought a dress and it's rool cute. And I feel pretty cute too.
Only 3.6kgs til I'm out of the 80s!!!
I ran for 20 minutes straight!!!!! I have never run for 20 minutes in my whole entire life! Prior to today, the longest I have ever run without stopping is 8 minutes, and I did that on Wednesday.
I thought I was going to die, and I almost stopped a couple of times but sometimes being really stubborn is handy because I just kept telling myself that I didn't want to be a quitter and I kept going.
Usually it's physical pain that makes me want to stop - running hurts! Today it was mainly for cardio fitness reasons. I was almost gasping for air by the end, but I made it! As I typed that I realised that I'm the same after an interval session on a bike/elliptical but it feels completely different to being puffed out from running for some reason.
I did it on the treadmill. Actually I've kind of gone back to the tready, partly because I chickened out, partly because I hate the only flat part around here, it's also the dodgiest part of the neighbourhood, partly because I read somewhere something about how beginners shouldn't run on concrete, and partly that combined with the fact that I have terrible, terrible shoes. I got them early 2006, they started falling apart within a few months (around the top) and now the soles are run riiiight down. I just don't want to spend money on new shoes before NZ but I also don't want to injure myself. Treadmill is a bit more cushioned.
Anyway, it's pretty warm in the house today so by the end of the 20 minutes I felt like I'd jumped in a pool. Actually, it was more like I'd done a few laps in an indoor pool - that wet, sweaty feeling. Ewwwww!
Oh, and because I'm currently a bit scale-obsessed, I decided to see how much I'd sweated out - scale said 84.0. I drank a glass of water and then it said 84.6! But the glass was only 350mls... so shouldn't it have only been 350 grams? I call shenanigans!
P.S. I got my bits waxed this morning and It seemed there was a little bit of wax left around the area of my arse crack (hott!) and so the stickiness and the running gave a bit of chafing and now my arse is killing me!
40 days! Sounds like a long time.
I forgot to post yesterday - was busy at work all day and then a friend popped round after I got back from the gym and by the time she left I was falling asleep on the couch!
I was on my lunchtime walk yesterday, thinking about what I was going to do last night when the following thought popped into my head:
"Ooh, I get to go to the gym today!"
Seriously. Not "I have to go" - "I get to go"!
I told Bass Boy and he said I was a freak. I said "I like the gym because it makes me strong and hot."
I think I should print that out and stick it somewhere for next time I don't want to go!
Of course then I had one of those really annoying gym sessions when it's not even busy but there was always someone using what I wanted to use!
However because of this I used the 45 degree leg press for the first time ever! I've always been scared of it and stuck to the seated leg press. I don't know why I've been scared of it, it's been like the one thing in the gym that I've always avoided. I liked it though and my quads are actually sore today, which they haven't been in weeks! I think I always back off a bit on the quads because I know the next day I'll be running and don't want to be too sore.
Unfortunately I feel sicker today. I've got a bit of a cough and feel a bit bleh. Nooo! I'm supposed to get BETTER!
Oh, that's right. I peeked at the scale this morning and saw 84.2! Now last week with the illness and not eating properly I saw 84.9 on the scale, but that wasn't on official weigh-in day. Last official weigh-in was 84.5. So at the moment I've either had a 300g loss or 700g loss. Either way I'm not complaining! I can't believe I can still manage a decent result after a massive binge.
I feel so different about all of this stuff than I have in a long, long time. Or maybe even ever. In the past getting sick has just thrown me right off the wagon. When I got down to my lowest weight, it was a cold that stuffed everything up - I was sick for a week and then I just was over exercise and eating well, and well, here I am 2.5 years and 10+ kilos later. Looking back at my CalorieKing weigh-ins I realised I haven't been in the 70s since late 2006. I've been bouncing around the 80s for 2 years, and this is my first time under 85 in over a year. I am ACHING to get back there. I want it so bad, more than ever. And I'm really not hating on myself as much over it as I have before.
I've been obsessively looking over old photos of myself and trying to figure out where I fit in now - because my body composition has changed so I don't know if I look the same at this weight as I did a year ago, for example. I don't want to get obsessive because it always leads to failure but I just want that feeling again, more than anything. That feeling when you walk into a shop and know that if a piece of clothing doesn't look good, it's just because it doesn't suit you, not because you're too fat for it. The first time I bought a size 10 dress. Looking at photos taken of myself and realising that my arms/legs/face are so much smaller than I've been seeing in the mirror. Knowing that bad photos are just that, bad photos, not the reality of how big I am.
I'm getting close to having lost 5kgs - I haven't lost 5kgs for 2 1/2 years. The most I have ever lost since then is 3, before gaining 4. I haven't stuck to an exercise or healthy eating plan for longer than 1.5 weeks for a year - and when I did it a year ago my heart wasn't in it.
Oh, my original point was that getting back to exercise after only taking 4 days off to sickness (and I still went for long walks on 2 of those days) is completely unheard of for me. I've never enjoyed exercise so much. I think the biggest challenge has been days where I can't be arsed cooking dinner, of which I've had a few. But I either just get on with it or whip up something quick that still fits into my plan. I know what days are the worst for me not wanting to cook and I choose things that are really quick and easy to prepare. I get up early to cook lunches for work if I haven't done it the night before. And it really has just become habit.
I want this. I really, really want this.
My cousin is having an engagement party at the end of October - I have a dress that hasn't fit me since 2006. I tried it on a couple of weeks ago and it did up and everything but was wayyyy too tight. I put it on again yesterday and it felt like it could almost be wearable. I want to wear that dress to the engagement party, and I want it to fit perfectly.
Not much to report today, really. Food has been spot on, I walked the dog this morning, went for a walk at lunchtime and did Week 5 Day 2 of C25K - running for 8 minutes! Twice! Friday is a 20 minute run, no walks. Apparently it's perfectly normal to be terrified of this day.
I think I've pulled a muscle in my back/side area. I dunno how, I got back from my lunchtime walk, sat down to eat my lunch and then when I got up next all this pain just shot through the area. It's only hurting when I move certain ways and didn't give me any trouble while running at least. Annoying but.
Did a scale check tonight and it was 84.9. I've been seeing 86s all week so phew! I'm a little bit hopeful about a loss on the official weigh-in day - imagine that, a loss after a pizza/chocolate/500-calorie raisin toast/bakery treats/sausage/biscuit-filled weekend.
I'm not even going to try and be perfect on Grand Final Day. I tried it last year and ended up absolutely smashed and eating whatever I could get my hands on. I figure I'll buy a 6-pack of Pure Blonde and pack a few bottles of water with it in the esky. Then again that could backfire too, because it's such a LONG day - there's a definite possibility I'll end up with a lampshade on my head doing shots off a stranger.
Anyway. I'm going to have a snack before I go and indulge in a sausage there - they're having a "salad-off" and giving a prize for the tastiest salad? Whatever. Anyway I figure that means there'll be some healthy options.
Ooh, maybe I should take some red wine. My worry about beer is that it goes down too easily. I can't drink red wine fast no matter how hard I try. Maybe I'll have that for backup...
Ugh, I just don't want a hangover on Sunday! At least it'll be a scheduled rest day.
Today has been a good day!
Yesterday I got home, sat around, ate some rice cakes, had a cup of coffee, felt crap afterwards, tried to avoid the treadmill (it was pissing down outside!), tried to talk myself into not wanting to avoid the treadmill, eventually got off my arse and got on the treadmill and started C25K week 5! Run 5/walk 3 x 3.
I felt 10000000 times better afterwards too. I suppose exercise is a "natural decongestant". I realised that I'd been scared that after a few days off all my fitness would have vanished.
Today I got home from work, had a protein shake and did all the preparation for dinner and tomorrow's lunch (cutting up vegies and cooking onions and such). Then I went to the gym and had another one of those weird days where I felt freakishly fit and strong. Bass Boy reckons it was probably cause the time off meant I was completely recovered. I really thought I would've been a bit weaker.
I realised that I'm enjoying exercise more than I have in years at the moment. I look forward to going to the gym (most of the time) and I haven't looked forward to gym sessions for soooo long.
I was looking through old photos last night and put a bunch up on my facebook - it was 2006 when I got down to my lowest weight evar. Of course I didn't appreciate it one bit and all I could see was how far I still had to go. But I looked hot as. I had a short bright red fauxhawk and it was awesome. Makes me want to cut my hair off again. Except I've been growing it for 2 years and it's all long and girly and pretty. Oh, and the reason that I started growing it in the first place was because I was getting skinny and I wanted to see what I looked like skinny with long hair. And I still want to see that! But everyone reckons it looks better short.
Geez I'm rambling today. Speaking of hair, I should go and dry it and go to bed.
See, if I cut it off I wouldn't have to wash it at night and spend 50 billion years blow drying it. Sigh.
Back at work... I still feel pretty crappy but I'm getting there.
I lost the plot over the weekend. I caved, I had the pizza and I had way too much chocolate. And you know what, I didn't even enjoy it.
Then yesterday I had some raisin toast and a coffee for breakfast, except I bought that cafe-style raisin toast and after I ate it realised that each slice is about 235 calories! Then Bass Boy brought me home something from the Beechworth Bakery on his way home from Ballarat (gig). Then I had oven fish/wedges for dinner (too many wedges!) and then we went to his mum's house and I had a sausage in bread!
I'm back on track today but I can't help feeling like I've undone everything.
I just feel miserable at the moment. I hate working in an office. It just sucks the life out of me.
No choice at the moment unfortunately. Please let me win the lottery, Universe!
Bah, I'm just feeling all crappy and sorry for myself.
I want to get back into exercise but don't know what sort of intensity to go for. I took the dog on a 7.3km walk yesterday and was moving very slowly. I wasn't completely buggered afterwards but I don't think I could've gone any faster - the walk took 90 minutes.
I am alive!
Man, yesterday was so awful. My temperature was up around 38.5 all day and I could barely move. I've been wearing a pedometer for the stupid 10,000 steps challenge and haven't been under 12,000 all week - except yesterday. Step total? 500! I only got up to go from couch to toilet.
I've gone through an an entire box of tissues in 2 days!
Man I hate being sick.
I couldn't eat yesterday except for some vegemite toast. My appetite is better today, does that mean I can balance it out with pizza? ;)
Ughhhh.
I miss the gym. No, really.
Oh yeah, I forgot to weigh myself this morning but was hovering around 84.9 (+ 400g) yesterday. Considering I've only really been eating bread that's not surprising.
Illness strikes.
Everyone around me has been getting knocked down with colds and flus and I've felt like I've been running a "I'M NOT GETTING YOUR DIRTY GERMS" gauntlet.
But I can fight no more!
I had a sore throat last night, then woke up with razor blades in there and total nasal congestion. I was really tired but didn't feel too sluggish. I stayed home anyway, and because I knew I wouldn't have the energy for a proper workout I walked to the shops (for Strepsils etc) and to the doctors - about 5kms total. This afternoon the feeling like death part of the cold rocked up. Now I feel like shit.
BOOOOOOOO.
I've been snacking all day too. Mostly on corn thins but still.
Definitely expecting a gain this week. Unfortunately I think this puts me into a "Might as well make the most of it!" mindset. Silly.
Today I woke up in excruciating pain. Actually I woke up a few times during the night with it too. Once every 4-6 months I reckon, this happens. I was also almost in tears from just feeling sad as soon as I woke up too so I stayed home from work and spent all morning sobbing on the couch with a wheat bag over my tummy!
Surely that's not normal?
Anyway I forced myself off the couch and into the shower, then decided a walk in the sunshine would make me feel better. So the dog and I went for a big walk (7.3kms) - and it did make me feel better! So I came home and made dinner, Bass Boy went to rehearsal and I went to the gym.
Remind me to avoid the gym at peak time at all costs! It STANK! Do all mixed gyms stink or is mine just gross? Fernwood never stank!
And the people are disgusting! There was CHEWY in the drink holder on the elliptical I used, and a heap of chewy wrappers scattered around it. Who even chews gum at the gym anyway? There were empty cans of V on the ground, empty water bottles everywhere. Seriously - what the fuck is wrong with people?
Anyway, I got through my workout and no longer have any desire to eat any of the Eskimo Pies I remembered were in the freezer just before I left, so this is good!
Oh that's right - this is huge, I can't believe I almost forgot. I was at home ALL DAY, by myself, and I didn't eat anything that wasn't part of the plan! I seriously don't think I've ever done that before. Especially with how miserable I was feeling! I'm very impressed with myself.
I still feel like I must've gained like, 14 kilos overnight though. Damn water-retaining carbs.
ARGHH!!!! Seriously, even though I've been PMSy for a week, my period only started this afternoon. And it brought chaos with it! I skipped my workout today for the first (non health-related) time! And I decided to have my treat meal for the week - I wanted wedges with sour cream so thought I'd go the oven variety. Except when I got home the oven trays were dirty and so I cried and Bass Boy took me out on a date to go and have wedges.
But because I skipped the workout I just feel like a big fat deep-fried potato eating failure!
I can't let my uterus derail me every 4 weeks. It's ridiculous. I just feel so down about everything. It's like I take pre-mentrual moodiness to the next level. I have pre-menstrual bi-polar.
Now I have to go to the gym tomorrow. And that means I have to go on Friday! Although I could probably do it Thursday, really. It's not ideal but just once won't kill me.
I want a cup of tea and my pyjamas. And chocolate. Always chocolate.
Damn, I missed a day again!
Into Week 5 now - 9 weeks to go!
The weekend wasn't the greatest, foodwise. I had a big lunch on Saturday - homemade burger and a funny face biscuit from the bakery (treat). Didn't have that until 3-4pm so wasn't hungry for the rest of the day - except for some racing cars and pineapple lollies that fell into my mouth! Oops.
Yesterday I was all emotional and had a moment of weakness and spoons of milo & peanut butter. Not too damaging but annoying. Went out for dinner last night and had the healthiest option on the menu - salad with lettuce/tomato/cucumber/fetta, grilled chicken tenderloins on a piece of pita bread with balsamic vinegar. I didn't eat the pita bread but the chicken was a bit oily.
I didn't drink anywhere near enough water yesterday though...
Oh! But I got 7 gold stars on my exercise chart for the week! First time!
I know I haven't even had my NZ holiday yet but I'm daydreaming about Europe. It's just so daunting when you add up how much money would be required. I'd love to do it in 2010 and I reckon I could save in time but Bass Boy just can't seem to do it. I don't know, I feel like he's not even really committed to NZ - he's going to have to get a loan to go because he hasn't saved any money. And he still hasn't got his passport sorted.
To be fair I refinanced my car loan but that was due to a career mishap earlier in the year that left me with a lot of credit card debt. I just couldn't get out of it so I refinanced to pay off my card and got an extra $3k for the trip - but by the time we go I will have saved another $3k on top of that.
I'm hoping that this trip will give him the travel bug (he's never been overseas) and then hopefully he will be more interested in saving for the big Euro adventure. He has said he really wants to go to Italy. I guess I can't imagine what it would be like to have never traveled overseas at this age - my first (of many) o/s holidays was when I was about 18 months old (travel consultant mum)!
I've been looking at Contiki tours. I've always been kind of against them but the idea of planning a Europe trip when I've never been there and don't know anything about getting around and accommodation etc - it would be nice to be on a tour in that sense. And I found one that goes almost everywhere I really want to see. It's $5k for 29 days.
Perhaps I should just get through NZ first eh?
Why can't I just be rich, dammit!
Weigh in: 84.5
In your face, PMS! 600g loss!
I was really really hoping to get under 85. Now I'm closer to 80 than 90, you see.
I also took measurements and photos last night. I couldn't see much of a difference in the photos, although I'm pretty sure I have one leg a fair bit longer than the other. I look all lopsided and my stomach is all squished up on one side and all straight on the other! I look like a freak! :(
| Week 1 | Week 4 | Difference | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Chest | 97.5 | 95.5 | -2 |
| Waist | 79 | 75 | -4 |
| Hips | 107.5 | 104 | -3.5 |
| Arm | 34.5 | 32.5 | -2 |
| Thigh | 66 | 64 | -2 |
| Neck | 31.5 | 30.5 | -1 |
| Shoulder | 101 | 100.5 | -0.5 |
| Calf | 41 | 41 | - |
| Ankle | 23 | 24.5 | +1.5 |
I think my feet must've been swollen last night!!! It was right after exercise, does exercise make feet swell? The calf can't be right either. My boots will tell you they are smaller!
I skipped C25K last night - got home and had to make dinner which took longer than I thought. And I'd been out in the wind earlier and my sinuses are still paying for it now. So I did a "Sprint 8" session on my bike - 8 sprint intervals of 30 secs, with 90 sec recoveries. It took a long time to convince myself to do it but I am determined to get 7 gold stars on my exercise chart this week!
Aw crap! I missed a day! I was doing so well there too.
Yesterday had its ups and downs - I walked the dog first thing in the morning, and my food was all on track. I went to the gym after work and my ear played up - and it had been so good for the last couple of weeks!
Sometimes when it happens while I'm exercising, I get really distressed and panic - hyperventilation + exercise = not good. Sometimes I'll stop whatever I'm doing and just go home.
Yesterday I'd done 15 mins on the elliptical and was about 4 mins into a 15 minute go on the bike. I kept going. I was debating whether I should do my weights or leave it. I did them - I was going to leave out things like step-ups because that sort of stuff seems to make it worse, but I did it. I just kept relaxed and stopped to do some deep breathing if I felt it was worsening. I got through everything!
It was fine by the time I left, and I wasn't feeling upset at all, yet when I got into my car to go home I just burst into tears. It feels so unfair that the two things I want most are to be fit and a healthy weight, and what I need to do to achieve those goals are the main triggers of this stupid condition. The hormones probably contributed to my little pity party.
I hadn't cleaned up the kitchen the night before either so the whole time I was at the gym I was dreading that I'd have to go home and clean up before I could cook dinner. And I knew Bass Boy was out buying shirts so he wouldn't have done it. Well I got home and the kitchen was spotless and gleaming! And he'd tidied up other stuff too. I saw it and just burst into tears (again!). Then he said he'd got me a present, two things that he just had to get because they were both me.
He gave me two Little Miss books - Little Miss Giggles and Little Miss Whoops! Haha, because he makes me giggle hysterically 99% of the time, and I'm always dropping stuff/knocking stuff over/injuring myself/walking into things/falling over etc etc. Then I started bawling even more cause it was so sweet and funny and cute.
It's funny when sometimes he doesn't even know that I'm having a bad day for whatever reason and just does something really nice that I appreciate even more than I would on any other day.
Oh, and Little Miss Giggles has red hair!!!! She's just like me!!! Well, when my hair is natural anyway ;)
And in the book she loses her giggle and Mr Happy helps her find it. It's just like me and Bass Boy!
Anyway. My work is doing the 10,000 steps challenge thing and I signed up just because I do every year, and this year my department paid for our teams so I got free stuff! I got a little purple drink bottle which is pretty cool - it's PURPLE! Not to mention the shitty pedometer that counts probably 50% more steps than you actually do (every year it's the same!). But this year we also got a t-shirt. It's horribly green, and I like green, but it's just... too green. And it says something about 10,000 steps on it and has little footprints or something. Anyway the point was, my manager (our team captain) picked up all the packs with this stuff and because I'm in a different building to them, someone else in my team brought it over to me.
The t-shirt is a large. A men's large I have to assume, because it's MASSIVE. And I mean, I have a lot of Bass Boy's old large t-shirts for wearing to bed and this must be twice the size of them so it's not even men's large, it's just.... super large! I could wear it as a dress, if I was either slutty or had great legs ;)
The thing is, I don't know if that's just the default, or if someone CHOSE that size for me. And now I'm all paranoid that someone thinks that I might possibly require a t-shirt that big!
Man I hope it was a default.
Hmmm. I had a whole rant in my head earlier about celebrities being so skinny these days and completely warping my sense of "normal" or "acceptable" but I've crapped on enough. I'll just say that I am guilty of loving the new 90210, but the girls in it are so painfully thin I find it uncomfortable to watch.
Eeek! The Monster!!! Kill it!!! Or at least make it come already so I turn back into a rational... ok, more rational person!
Actually tiredness is the main problem I think. I don't really feel moody, except for yesterday and this morning. Coincided with me forgetting to take 5-HTP. I took it this morning and have been fine today.
So very tired. I usually get up at 5:30 if I'm walking the dog, 6 if I'm not. I couldn't drag myself out of bed until about 6:40 this morning. I came home at lunch and walked her, and did C25K after work. Fuck it was hard. It was the hardest session I've ever done - which doesn't make sense because I did the exact same session on Monday. My calves just tightened right up and then my hamstrings. It hurt and I was feeling much less fit than I was yesterday. I wanted to stop so bad and I nearly did, but then I would have been a quitter and I didn't want to be a quitter, so I finished it. I felt exhausted when I got home but.
Er, so then I had some toast with my dinner (again - damn you, bread and your crack-like qualities!)... and then an Eskimo Pie which I ate without even realising what I was doing. I stopped myself before I went back for the second one though. Argh.
I just want to have one week that goes exactly to plan! I suppose PMS week is probably a bit ambitious for that. I am really, really hoping for maintenance this week. Then I'd secretly know I'd lost weight, because I'm full of fluid. Even after drinking 5 or 6 Pump bottles yesterday! I feel so gross.
Fuck that Eskimo Pie was good though.
I think I have the PMS!
Actually I know I do. My tummy is all bloated and I cried this afternoon because I was cold and tired and I didn't want to go to the gym. So I told myself to quit being a baby, got changed and ready to go, then allowed myself half an hour to lie on the couch with the doona but then I had to go to the gym. I was so very tempted to stay there but I realised if I didn't go today I would have to change it all around and then I'd have to be at the gym on Friday. Who wants to go to the gym on a Friday night?
It also explains yesterday! I'd been planning to cook salmon and vegies for dinner but Bass Boy remembered he was having a jam with some of his mates and had to go almost straight after work. I was considering cooking the salmon anyway but soooooo didn't want it. After debating for almost half an hour I realised what I wanted - eggs on toast. Since I'm not meant to have starchy carbs for dinner, and I'd already had wheaty-starchy carbs for lunch (which should be once a day) I debated but I had to have it. So I had 2 eggs on some Noble Rise wholemeal toast with bbq sauce and a little sprinkle of cheese. It was seriously the best meal I can remember having in a long time. It sounds crazy but it was! It was just SO exactly what I wanted.
That was a long paragraph about eggs.
Oh yeah! I did C25K week 4 day 1 last night. And I didn't die! I ran for 5 mins! Twice! The program works! It really does!
Gotta go out for dinner for my nan's birthday on Sunday - at a shitty pub. Bass Boy suggested I use it as my treat meal but I'd rather have something I REALLY want, like maybe a dark chocolate Magnum (mmmm!!!!) than some fatty pub meal just because it's there. And generally some kind of grilled fish & salad is the best option at pubs, and it's always once of the most expensive things. And it's usually shit. D'oh.
Back to the gym today, I always find that when I really don't want to exercise but force myself to do it anyway, I work out harder than usual. This does not make sense. I got my planks up to 50 seconds! 4 weeks ago I was just about crying at the 30 second mark, when I would collapse.
I managed to get through yesterday mostly unscathed. I did a heap of cleaning (housework has been non-existent in our house for quite some time) and washing (still behind from when our washing machine was broken for 2 months!), I didn't eat any more nuts, I had some chicken & vegies for lunch and then shepherd's pie at mum's for dinner - which was probably more carby than I would normally have but I skipped the lunch carbs so don't think it was too damaging.
Exercise I did not get to though! By the time I finished up with the cleaning I had just enough time to shower and wash my hair before we had to go to mum & dad's. And afterwards I had to do the grocery shopping. I love doing it on a Sunday night! Heaps of stuff is marked down and it's empty.
I got up at 5:30 this morning and walked the dog! I haven't been able to drag myself out of bed to do that for like 2 weeks. Maybe cause last time it was dark and cold and pissing down - horrible walk, totally put me off. I got out of bed this morning by convincing myself that it's getting lighter earlier so it would be all nice and light outside. Of course it was still dark, although I think it would've been a fair bit lighter had it not been overcast.
I always enjoy being out in the early morning - I like the fact that when you walk past someone you say good morning. It doesn't seem to happen at any other time of the day, just a bit of secret comradarie between early-morning exercisers.
Oh yeah, today I'm wearing a top and a little short-sleeved waistcoaty thing both of which haven't fit me for aaaaaaaaaages! :D
Woohoo, heading into week 4!
Ugh, I feel crap today. I just want to eat chocolate and not exercise. Somehow I have to exercise, clean the house, walk the dog, do grocery shopping and have dinner with my parents! I can't seem to get moving.
Went to Shanghai Village for dumplings last night...mmmmm, dumplings. I felt really bloated after them though. Had a custard bun from a Chinese bakery that was pretty crap - afterwards I was really annoyed that I kept eating it even though I wasn't really enjoying it. And even though it was my treat meal, I feel guilty about it because I ate too much!
This morning I already went a little crazy on walnuts. Not too damaging but still. Annoying!
Bass Boy found out yesterday that his dad has bone cancer. He's terminal but we don't really have any details yet. His dad left when he was 4 and lives in WA so he doesn't know him very well. He's the youngest of 5 kids though so his siblings are probably feeling differently. I don't really know what to say to him about it.
Weigh in: 85.1
200g loss this week. I know a loss is a loss and all that, but I'm a little disappointed. Sigh!
Just got home from the gym. I don't usually get there til about 9:30 on Saturdays, and I'm always the only one there. It's starting to get busy by the time I leave - but busy at my gym is still not busy :D
Owww, it hurts to type!
I opened a new tub of cottage cheese just now - and I put the whole tub in the blender and make it all creamy because lumpy cottage cheese grosses me out. Anyway I blended it for aaaaaaages this morning and the texture is amazing! With strawberries and some sugar free maple syrup (my supermarket is stocking it again!) - it's so amazingly delicious I really can't believe it's good for me. Best snack EVER. I'd live on it.
It's such a beautiful day, maybe I'll go for a bike ride!
Should probably do some housework though...ughhhhhh
Happy Friday!!!
I had a coffee this morning and felt like shit afterwards. My ear didn't play up but it wasn't 100% and I felt sick and dizzy. I guess I really should give decaf a go.... but I don't wannnnnnaaaaaaa! :(
Major chocolate craving today - so for my afternoon snack I grabbed a 99 calorie stick of Old Gold which completely got rid of the craving (there's a first time for everything!). But after I finished it I wanted something else..... nuts! Grabbed some almonds and walnuts but felt like it was going to turn into a blowout. But nope! I was completely satisfied after the nuts - turns out I was just actually hungry! So that's why I was almost tempted by the work biscuits.... I didn't actually want them, they were just all that was available.
SOOOO didn't want to go out for my C25K session today but I forced myself to do it anyway and was glad I did - much easier than Wednesday! On Wednesday after the first 90secs my thoughts were "Fuck, how the hell am I going to do 3 mins of this??" but today it was "Is that it?". The program really works! Now I have to do Week 4.... I'm scaaaaaaaaared!!!!!!! 5 mins! Twice! AND 3 mins twice! How can I possibly do that?
Apparently this feeling is normal. Oh geez, then there's the real scary Week 5 day 3 - run for 20 mins!
I was going to have steak for dinner tonight but after the nuts and chocolate it's a bit too calorie dense so I'm going to have an omlette instead. I was really looking forward to the steak though! Oh well, I can have it tomorrow instead.
In other news, I FOUND MY PASSPORT TODAY!!!! I'd been looking for it everywhere and was about to report it lost and apply for a new one. Then I remembered a cupboard we don't use that I always forget is there... phew!!! Of course I thought the fee for a lost passport was $69 instead of the full $208, but after I found it I realised it's $69 plus the $208! SO SO glad I found it.
That and I only have one stamp in this one... really want to build on that, not start again!
I got some 5-HTP today. It's supposed to boost serotonin levels and help with depression and anxiety. Not that I'm depressed at the moment but I certainly am prone to it. I really hope it will help with anxiety though, because I'm kind of struggling with that.
I feel like such a Nana... I look forward to Friday nights because Bass Boy goes to his gig and I relax on the couch with 4 epsidoes in a row of SVU on Foxtel (it's my favourite show!). It's a bit sad, isn't it?
Well, I mean I'm only missing out on dodgy outer suburbian clubs and boozing until all hours of the morning. How would I get up for the gym?
Another gorgeous day! SPRING!!!! I love it.
Gym tonight although my hips are still sore from Tuesday :(
Apparently work will pay for my study - the catch? You have to stay on for at least one year after completing your study or you have to pay back the money for the previous year. Oh, and it has to be a full-fee paying course, not a Commonweath Supported Place (HECS). Apparently there's a way to do it so you don't end up out of pocket, with FEE-HELP but it's all a bit confusing. And I'm not sure how much they actually pay for - I'd be looking at about $10k/year for full-fee. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't pay all of it!
There's also study leave, 4 hours a week. And I'll be able to enter as Mixed Mode so I can do some stuff off-campus and some stuff on-campus - and since I work at the uni I'll be studying at, I should be able to physically go to some classes pretty easily.
So once I get back from NZ I'm going to start saving up... for an iMac. Ohhh yeahhh. And my dad can't get annoyed because he "only has Windows software" because I'll be able to run Windows on the Mac. Ha! I can get one for $1549 with educational discount. Although I reckon I should get a double discount as a staff member AND a student ;)
What a beautiful day it was in Melbourne today! Still a little cold, but the sun was lovely.
Well my glutamine theory got debunked this arvo - I had some in my preworkout shake again and then went off to do C25K - it was the hardest one yet! Maybe because I didn't want to do it and had it in my head that it was going to be really hard. Oh well.
Oh, and I spent 10 mins on the stair machine at the gym yesterday and it fucked my hips up. They've been rool sore all day so it hurt to run. Stupid dodgy hips! Curse you, childhood dancing!
Food = great. Actually I was about to go to bed last night and realised that my calories for the day were just over 1000. Eek! I had another protein shake to raise it a bit. They were a bit low today too so I had some toast with dinner - I was having a massive bread craving (it's been 3 weeks since I had any!). Bread included today is still only about 1300. Weird.
I'm at that point where I'm starting to think "This can't possibly be working, it's too easy". I guess it's just that once you get into a groove, it's not that difficult to exercise every day, and it's not that difficult to eat well as long as you're prepared.
So at the start of last year I was enrolled in a Bachelor of Science which I planned to study by distance education - don't even ask why, I just decided it would be a good thing to study??
Anyway, first semester began and I didn't even realise - not for a couple of weeks! Then when I did realise, I had an assignment due the next week! So I applied for intermission - I was so not prepared for study. I applied for intermission again this year, knowing that I didn't want to study it but not wanting to discontinue just yet - okay, so I couldn't discontinue online and I couldn't be bothered hunting down forms and filling them out and mailing htem.
Anyway I've decided to study IT next year but I didn't think I could apply for course transfer because I haven't attempted any units in my current degree. But I spoke to the lovely admissions folk today and they said I could! Yay! Easier than discontinuing and then going through the whole application process again.
I'm worried that it will be too full on and take over my life - but I really want to have some kind of useful qualification - as my current diploma is pretty much useless since I did nothing with it - it's been 4 years now so no employers in the field want to know about me. I don't want to be stuck in the job I'm in now, because it's boring. I just want to do something that I'm actually interested in (if not passionate about).
I hope I find myself interested enough in the coursework to study it for 6 years. Oh, I can't think about the 6 years. It's all too much. Well I guess first I have to get into the course. But I can't see why I wouldn't. My goal is to set up the back bedroom as a study before next year - at the moment it's the "aviary" - aka the room we keep the birds in so the cats don't kill them. I need to get a proper desk.
Rollercoaster of emotions! I started off cranky and angry and teary this morning - "My ear's gunna be fucked forever, there's no cure or treatment, it's not fair, blah blah blah!"
I was low all morning. Went for a walk at lunchtime and the ear was fine which perked me up straight away. You know yesterday was the first day in 2 weeks where I did nothing - not even a walk or anything. And it felt like it had been aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages since I'd exercised. I seriously thought for a little bit there that I'd undone everything, that my fitness would be worse than ever. Crazy huh? Of course it wasn't.
Anyway, I got home from work and as I pulled into the driveway I saw that my green bag wasn't on the seat next to me. The green bag with my runners in it!!!! D'OH! Luckily I remembered an old pair of x-trainers I've barely worn cause I never liked them ;)
(they were actually pretty good for the gym. better than my falling-apart nikes!)
Crisis averted, I got to the gym and had like the best workout ever! My gym got new ellipticals (yayyy! they're like the good ones at my old gym now!!!) AND Foxtel. And I was like superwoman! I felt heaps fitter and stronger. I couldn't believe it. And then I remembered that after reading "for best results take 1/2 teaspoon before and after your workout" on my L-Glutamine I decided to try that. So maybe that was it? It was unreal anyway.
My little friend Ahmed was at the gym again. And he stared at me the WHOLE. TIME. Seriously, every time I looked up from whatever I was doing, he was STARING AT ME. I've always attracted particularly creepy guys. I don't know why.
Anyhoo, I'd better go and finish cooking tomorrow's lunch!
Today has been a bit of a nothing day. I had a coffee this morning and got all dizzy and nauseous and stayed that way all day. I was pretty tired too (Bass Boy coughing all night), ended up leaving work an hour early. I came home and crashed on the couch for a couple of hours.
However today I figured out what the fuck is wrong with me!!!
Patulous Eustachian Tube.
Patulous Eustachian tube, also known as patent Eustachian tube, is the name of a rare physical disorder where the Eustachian tube, which is normally closed, instead stays intermittently open. As a result, when it is open, all of the patient's breathing, talking, swallowing, heart beat, etc. vibrates directly on the ear drum creating an effect that sounds like the patient has a bucket on his/her head. The medical term for this phenomenon is autophony, the hearing of self-generated sounds.
Exercise is a major trigger! Lying down gives relief. Rapid weight loss can be a cause (it came on early 2005 when I was heartbroken and lost something like 20kgs in 3 months).
Unfortunately there is no cure, not really any treatment (although a suggested one is GAIN WEIGHT WTF).
People who suffer from PET can find playing sport difficult as the increased breathing pushing onto the ear drum can become very noisy and can sometimes lead to a period of increased tinnitus after the event.I realised I'm kind of lucky though - some people have it PERMANENTLY. All the time. I found a message board about it and a whole heap of them were posting about wanting to kill themselves. I reckon I'd be the same.
So apparently there's some Chinese herb and some nasal drops that caused relief for some people, more severe treatment includes cartilage grafts to close up the tube although it seems like it only provided temporary relief for a few people. Everyone on the message board was raving about some doctor in Boston - including a couple of Australians who reckon he's worth going to see!
Why can't it just be something simple? With a simple answer?
I did read of a potential correlation between PET and TMJ - I've never been diagnosed with TMJ but I do have a lot of jaw clicking and some pain on the same side. And I clench my jaw. So this all relates back to anxiety, which I have in bucketloads.
I think my dizziness and vertigo is caused by anxiety over the PET, btw.
Anyway, I finally found somewhere in Aus where I could buy 5-HTP which is supposed to help boost serotonin levels. We'll see how that goes with anxiety. I'd really prefer to avoid prescription anti-anxiety/anti-depressant medications after a stint on them as a teenager - which is why I haven't ever gone to my doctor since about such things.
Bah, anyway, today became my rest day. Eating - spot on at least! I guess I've just gotta keep doing what I'm doing - exercise and just sit down and chill for a bit if the ear becomes a problem. I hope it fucks off soon though - and now I'm scared that it'll just block up and stay that way forever :\
Oh and I've got this really really sore spot in my shoulder - a trigger spot? Is that what they're called? Anyway it's driving me nuts!
Posts
