Two weeks down! 11 to go.
This weekend has been a bit silly. Bass Boy's family had another shindig today. Lunch was bbq'd lamb on a tortilla with salad & mint yogurt. Not bad although the lamb was a bit fatty. It was the crackers & cheese/philly beforehand that was the problem. And the lemon custardy slice afterwards. Sugar is so evil. As soon as I have a tiny bit I turn into some kind of warped sugar monster. Anyway. The last couple of days have been estimated at the 1800 calorie mark, so it could be a lot worse, but it's not where it should be. Maybe if I chuck in a couple of 1200 days this week it'll even out.
Started Week 3 of C25K today, which involves run/walk: 90 secs/90 secs, 3 mins/3 mins, repeat. Running for 3 minutes sounds so pissweak when I say it, but it's the most I've ever done it before so I was pretty happy with that! I started off this morning, and by the time i got to the end of the street it was pissing down. I kept going around the block and reasoned that if it hadn't cleared up by the end of the first lap I'd call it quits. Anyway halfway around Bass Boy appeared in my car to rescue me. Awww. Of course as soon as we got home the rain stopped! But started again soon after, so I felt validated.
Went out again this arvo and the ear played up right at the end of the cooldown. RIGHT as I was deciding in my head that I wasn't going to have any more problems with it. I'm sick of coming home crying! :(
So over it!!!!
I have to go to the supermarket, but I really can't be arsed. Have to though - we've run out of cat biscuits. Oh yeah, and food.
Here's hoping for a better week.
P.S. Who would've thought St Kilda would get enough goals against Essendon to get a second chance in the finals?! They needed to be something like 17 goals in front! Woohoo!
Weigh in: 85.3
Loss of 500g! I'm really stoked about that, beacuse I was seriously expecting to maintain at best. I haven't had the best week. After such a big loss last week too.
Yesterday. Yesterday was just the worst day! I went off to my work lunch, and it was in a pub bistro - PACKED, soooo noisy and really really hot. Hot rooms are one of the worst things for my whole ear thing. So as soon as I sat down the room started spinning a bit, my ear would block and unblock so I couldn't really talk to anyone, the noise was unbearable.
Then we waited an hour for our meals! By the time they came the place had quietened down a bit and didn't feel as warm either. I gradually felt better and was ok by the time we left. But I did pay $25 for a sad piece of grilled fish that was completely overcooked and a little cup of salad. Talk about a fucking rip off.
So I got home and was planning on doing C25K and then going to the gym after Bass Boy left for his gig. I headed out to do the C25K only to discover that the podcast had just disappeared off my iPod!! I was already feeling pretty fragile at this point. I came back and spent a good 20 minutes stuffing around with the iPod to get it sorted and headed off again.
I was doing well with the intervals, no ear problems, taking note of where i started and finished running so I could work out the distance (and therefore speed).... I had done 3 of the 6 intervals and was about to head into the 4th when I attempted to turn the volume down on the iPod. Instead I hit SKIP. FUCKING SKIP!!!! It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I burst into tears right there on the corner of two main roads in the middle of peak hour! Since I only run around the block and do laps, the furthest spot from home is the end of my street, about 600m away. That's where I was. I walked that street with my head down, sobbing.
Geez I felt shit. Like everything was against me. I got home and I was still crying while I told Bass Boy the story but at the same time I knew that I was being ridiculous and overreacting so he was almost making me smile. While crying.
BB: Can I get you anything?
Me: Arsenic?
BB: You want some arsenic?
Me: Yes. I'm going to be fat forever!
BB: So you want arsenic and you're going to be fat forever. These are the responses I'm getting?
Me: YES! Shut up!
I managed to laugh after that. Argh.
Anyway I got on the tready later and did 4 intervals. I was just going to do the whole thing but it's harder on the treadmill, I swear! I think it's the boredom factor. And it was really hurting my shins. Doesn't outside.
I did a killer workout at the gym this morning. Hopefully I won't be able to move tomorrow... well.. you know what I mean.
Except I got home and whined "I DON'T WANNA GO TO MY GYM ANYMORE!!!!"
Some guy tried to pick me up!!!! I've never done mixed gyms, I've never experienced this! I didn't know what to do!!! I just answered his questions and when he got to the boyfriend one, and I said yes, I have one, he practically ran to the other side of the gym. Phew.
Guys don't try to pick me up. It just doesn't happen. Well I mean they used to, but it was when I was drunk and single and usually up for it. It's rarely happened while sober and since I got the old ball and chain it doesn't seem to happen at all. It really weirds me out!
I had a bit of a carb blowout last night. After my little episode I felt awfully nauseous and worn out. I cooked dinner early for Bass Boy (Indian curry) because he had to go to a gig. I got ready to go to the gym but felt too sick. I was going to go anyway but then I figured I would only put in maybe 50% effort and if I was only going to be half-arsed I'd rather rest.
So after I decided not to go to the gym I decided I couldn't stomach curry. I wanted carbs. I don't usually have starchy carbs with dinner, but all I could think about was bread. But we only had white bread. I couldn't possibly have white bread! So I had a couple of wholemeal tortillas, one with vegemite and one with egg (the only protein I felt I could handle). My stomach settled right away after eating it, and I still wanted bread. So I had some wholemeal premiums with some honey. And then I had the bread anyway!!! So if I'd just had it in the first place it probably would have been fine. Silly.
Oh well, new day. I am not expecting any kind of result on the scales tomorrow though, especially after the pub lunch I'll be having today. Which I really don't want since I'm trying to avoid salt. Ugh.
I still feel exhausted. I usually get up at 6 but couldn't drag myself out of bed until 7 this morning. And I have just realised I forgot to put deodorant on. Now I'll have to go and buy some! I also forgot my swipe pass and office keys today. I can't actually get to the toilets on this level without my swipe pass. I can go the long way around but that means going past the co-worker's desk who withdrew her friendship last week and I'd rather avoid that. I guess I'll have to go upstairs. What a pain in the arse!
My head feels fuzzy. If Bass Boy has given me his illness I am going to kill him!!!!!!!!!!!
The ear strikes again. I'm more convinced than ever that what I have is Meniere's Disease.
This morning it occurred while just sitting at my desk, the ear only felt blocked for a minute but the dizziness and nausea has been going on for a while. Argh, I have to go to the gym today, I don't need this now!
Unfortunately one thing in common with each attack over the last couple of weeks is, it's been on a day I've had a coffee. Actually it's happened every day I've had a coffee, except Sunday. I'm going to have to try decaf.
I read today that it can be triggered by a drop in inner ear pressure that can be caused by dehydration, low blood pressure and "overbreathing". All of which potentially explains why exercise is a problem.
I've contacted Meniere's Australia to ask if they can help with finding a GP who will actually be helpful with diagnosis, if Meniere's is what I have. We'll see. I just know I couldn't bear hearing the "there's nothing wrong with you" speech again. The last time I heard it was from an ENT specialist who then bulk billed me because I burst into tears and sobbed like a baby in his office. Heh.
Sigh. In other news, I did C25K last night and got home 3 minutes faster than yesterday.
Argh, I can't concentrate. I feel like crap.
I know lots of people deal with worse shit all the time but this seriously has a major impact on life enjoyment and all the rest of it. I hate being afraid to do things in case it plays up. I hate worrying about it happening while I'm on holidays trying to have fun.
Blah blah blah, woe is me.
Ouuchh, my lats are sooorrre today! Or my "latissimus dorsal fins" as I like to say. Speaking of funny ways I like to say muscle names, my ticeretopses are sore too.
I didn't think I was effectively working my lats yesterday because I was feeling it more in my arms but I must've done something right.
I think "the boy" needs a better nickname. I'm thinking "Bass Boy" because he plays bass, and he's seaworthy! (er, see http://www.homestarrunner/tgsmenu.html or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOYT0KH5xOI for context)
So anyway, we were at Bass Boy's family shindig on the weekend and he asked one of his sisters if she's lost weight. "Yep" "Like, a lot?" "14kgs"
We both said how amazing that was and she said:
"No it's not, it should be more than that."
What?! I realised that I've said similar things in the past and that it seems to be quite a common theme really. How sad is it that someone who's worked really hard and lost 14kgs can't look at it and see it as a great achievement, but instead berates herself for not losing more. She said she stalled for a few weeks, losing and gaining the same couple of kilos before she finally hit the 14 mark. And because of that, her efforts aren't good enough.
It's ridiculous!
I still can't bring myself to exercise outside at 5:30am. I just can't seem to force myself out of bed. I wanted to do C25K this morning but reasoned that part of the route goes along "the dodgy street" and I didn't want to in the dark, on my own. Reasonable concern or excuse? Hmmm. As long as I fit in what I have planned, I'm not too fussed, it'd just be nice to get it out of the way first thing.
Here's hoping I've won Ozlotto and can quit my job. Then I can exercise whenever I want! Muhahahaha!
I worked from home this afternoon which was so great I wish I could do it every day. It gave me a chance to go to the supermarket and walk the dog on my lunch break without worrying about rushing back to work. Oh, and I got to go to the gym at 4 instead of leaving work at 4 so that was good too.
I feel much more fit already. First day back at the gym last week I seriously struggled on the elliptical but today I was killing it in comparison.
Speaking of the gym, someone was using the cable-y machine with the tricep pushdown rope thingo so I waited around and he was taking aaaages so I went off and did my tricep dips instead. I had a little inkling that doing them first was going to be a bad idea and damn I was right! Stupid tricep dips, evil things they are.
Today is a day where I feel like I've eaten shitloads but it's right on target...
Breakfast:
1/2 cup oats w/ some milk, protein crunch and a teaspoon of pure honey (the staple breakfast), crappy instant coffee
Snack:
1/2 cup cottage cheese with strawberries, splenda and a tiny drizzle of maple syrup (my local supermarket has stopped selling the sugar-free one! motherfuckers!!!), green tea
Lunch:
Thai Coconut Curry steam fish w/ a pack of steam fresh vegies and 1/2 cup brown basmati rice
Snack:
30g whey in water, chopped up carrot with a teaspoon of natural peanut butter, 5 grapes
Dinner:
200g chicken cooked in natural yoghurt, mustard, basil & lemon juice, broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini, beans
Total: 1445 calories
Sweet!
My arms are still sore from Saturday's workout, I can't believe it! It's ridiculous!
Er, so my counting skills clearly need some work, because I believe it's actually 9 weeks until the 26th October, not 10. Oops.
Anyway, I decided to do my C25K workout outside yesterday. Now I have attempted this before in Week 1 (and have never got past Week 2 even on the treadmill), but because of the embarrassment factor I have chosen to do it on a secluded high school football oval where no one can see me. This is stupid, because running in a circle for half an hour is almost as boring as a treadmill, running in a circle seems to hurt the hips and feet more because of the constant turning motion, and running on grass is harder work than a footpath. Probably better for the joints, but requires more effort, which leads the beginning runner to believe that it's just WAY too hard and will never ever be possible.
The other reason for choosing the secluded footy oval to do my running was also because "everywhere around my house involves hills!". I mean it's in the name of my suburb and everything. Then yesterday I realised that there's a 1.4km block that starts across the road from my house that is completely flat. So I used that for my workout yesterday and did 3 laps. In some ways I think it was easier than the treadmill, just because the time went faster.
Oh, so because I didn't do my workout on Sunday I was going to do week 1 yesterday and start week 2 tomorrow. I put both on my iPod ready to go, so I left the house and started walking, pressed play and wasn't really paying attention to Robert Ullery (sp?) crapping on at the start until I heard "You will do 6 intervals" and I went "Huh? It's meant to be 8! This is week 2!".
I attempted to skip back to week 1 only to discover I had made a mistake and week 1 wasn't on there. So I did week 2. I was scared of week 2, because I've found it "too hard" in the past, and thus given up. But it really wasn't too bad yesterday. I mean my grandma could probably run faster but running is running.
Argh, I just went for a walk, within the last couple of minutes my ear blocked up. GRRRR. The last 3 times now, it's been triggered by walking. What's that about? It's never been walking before. Ellipticals, stair machines, squats, lunges - anything with up-and-down movements which I guess walking is to a certain extent, but it's never been enough before. Does this mean it's getting worse? All this time it has seemed to be lessening in severity. Fuck I hate it. I hate it so much. The worst is when I get a bit panicky about it which I tend to do when it's particularly bad - ever started to panic while in the middle of some high intensity cardio? It's like your throat just closes right up and no air can get in. It's so awful. I didn't stress about it today, just ignored it but now I'm starting to stress about it because I just want it to fucking stop!
Anyway.
At dinner on Saturday night I was talking to a girl who is a runner - she's just signed up for the half marathon. Anyway I mentioned that I'm trying to be a runner and told her I'm doing C25K and she got all excited - the chance for a potential convert to her passion! Anyway this morning she emailed me a link to the Spring Into Shape series - 4k runs. There's one on the 26th October. 10 weeks. Could I run 4kms in 10 weeks? Given that at the moment I'm doing 60 second intervals - on a treadmill?
If I worked at it, I think it's doable. A fun run is always something I would do later, when I've lost *that* much weight. Because a fat girl couldn't possibly do a fun run! I've always had mental images of being laughed away from the start line, deemed much too lardy to participate in such a thing.
But when I got that email this morning, I started thinking, well, why the fuck not? Why couldn't I do it? I mean, I'd have the primary goal of completing it, with a secondary goal of y'know, not coming last.
I was going to double up on the C25K weeks. Week 7 involves a 4k run. 10 weeks should be doable... of course I would have to transition from treadmill to road at some point...
Ah, the end of week 1.
Today has been... annoying. That's probably the best way to describe it!
I went out for dinner last night which was good actually. I didn't go overboard with food and the company was better than I expected. I really didn't think I liked Indian food but I had chicken tikka masala and it was freakin' awesome.
I was asleep on my feet by the time I got home, just after midnight (could I be more of a nana?! I'm 25 ffs!). Slept until 10 this morning - I had all these plans for the day with washing and housework before we had to go off to the boy's sister's for arvo tea. Then I find out afternoon tea is at 2pm! These people have strange ideas of meal times, I swear. Anyway, everything got a bit stuffed up. I had breakfast (porridge) at 10, took the dog for a walk, and we had to leave at 1pm to go to the shops on the way. I grabbed a mintabolism bar and a latte and we headed off. I resisted the food, none of which was all that appealing, really.
Then the boy's mum rocked up with her famous choc-mint ripple cake! That stuff is like crack, I swear. Anyway I had a piece of that - in my defence the slices are very very small ;)
The plan was to only stay for 1-2 hours and piss off. But then we found out the overseas sister was going to be there so we had to hang around to see her. And they didn't get there until about 4, so we didn't get out of there until 6. I'd effectively missed two meals by this stage! I ate a few water crackers and 1 tiny bit of camembert because I got hungry but overall I reckon it was a fair effort. Just grabbed some grilled fish on the way home and put some steam fresh vegies in the microwave.
I was meant to do a C25K session today but we got home with dinner at 7pm not to mention an absolute killer headache (which still hasn't gone away mind you). Oh and as soon as I finished dinner I got a nosebleed, I think it was the 3rd or 4th this week *sigh*. I'm cranky and cold and tired and I just want to curl up in my pjs (which I am now wearing!).
The good thing about today was I got myself an iPod shuffle! A little purple 1GB, paid for with $2 from my coin jar :D
This is the iPod I have:
I'm pretty sure this was the first iPod for Mac and PC. No colour screen, 20GB, heavy and fat and just plain BIG. I totally love it though, it's so retro these days. I got it in 2004 for my 21st birthday for an insane price (like $500 or close to it!). I've been lugging that around gyms for 4 years, only using it for cardio and putting it away in the locker for weights because I don't have pockets or anything.
Anyway lately I've realised that the battery is barely getting me through a 30 min cardio session. It is over 4 years old, so I guess that's a pretty good life. Yesterday at the gym it started constantly resetting itself every time I tried to play a song too and I was losing the right channel which could have been the earbuds but I don't think it was. Time to face facts, my trusty beast is dying :(
Don't really have the funds for a proper replacement yet so I had to make do with a shuffle. It's so little and cute and purple! AND when I plugged it in, iTunes came up with a picture of a purple shuffle! IT KNOWS WHAT COLOUR IT IS!
Yes I get excited about such things...
What an experience it will be to clip my music player onto my shirt! I'm very excited. Did I mention it's purple?
Oh and I got it from Dick Smith who had a deal on, I got a special little iPod shuffle speaker for free with it. It looks dodgy as but you plug the shuffle in then close the lid which has a hole in it to access the controls. And it's powered by AAAs or acts as a USB dock too!
Anyway. I just bought some songs that I'm so into right now that I think will be good for workouts and am trying to choose what else from my thousands of songs!
At the moment it's looking like this:
- C25K Podcast - Week 1
- C25K Podcast - Week 2
- Kate Nash - Pumpkin soup
- Kanye West feat. Chris Martin - Homecoming
- Brassy - 1-0-0
- Bliss N Eso - Eye of the storm
- Gnarls Barkley - Going on
- Custom Kings - Up late
- MGMT - Kids
- Madonna - Open your heart
- Madonna - La isla bonita
- Madonna - Papa don't preach
- Madonna - Express yourself
- Madonna - Get into the groove
- Madonna - Material girl (can you tell I bought the Immaculate Collection recently?)
- Ladyhawke - Paris is burning (this is the stuff I just bought tonight)
- Pnau feat Ladyhawke - Embrace
- CSS - Left behind
- Wiley - Wearing my rolex
- Faker - Sleepwalking
- Birds of Tokyo - Broken bones
- Birds of Tokyo - Silhouettic
- Ladytron - Ghosts
Couch time! 5k will have to wait until tomorrow ;)
Day 6 is a great day, folks!
Weigh in: 85.8
For those playing at home that's a 2.3kg loss! Ah, I love fluid loss. That's not even a whole week, that's since Monday! Seriously, you can't imagine how much I've weed this week.
Day 5 was shit, I have this issue where my right ear randomly blocks and it can last minutes or hours, I took the dog for a walk, it blocked 5 mins in and stayed blocked for the duration, getting worse when I went up hills and was exerting myself more. Went away as soon as I lay down after getting home. That's the thing - if I get all stressed and cry about it, it gets worse. If I sit down and relax, it goes away. WHY CAN'T ANYONE FUCKING TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?! ARGH. It's been 3 1/2 years. And it hasn't flared up in a long time. When it does flare up, exercise is the biggest trigger. Motherfucker.
Anyway, I did a 5k walk, I didn't go swimming. I was just so tired the night before, being the first week I wanted to give my body as much rest as it needed! I was glad for it yesterday, I had much more energy.
So I've got Indian dinner tonight, the boy's sister's birthday tomorrow (arvo tea, bring a plate deal) and Pancake Parlour dinner on Monday. Oh, and a pub lunch for work on Friday.
Seriously I haven't had that many food-related social occasions so close together in a long, long time. Stop throwing these challenges at me, universe!
Hmm, tomorrow arvo is supposed to be a C25K session...will have to work around that...
Well I'm just about through the first week... working week at least!
Today is my rest day, but I wanted to go swimming in the morning. I did it last Friday and it was good! I usually avoid public pools like the plague, especially after the 2005 incident - I had decided to brave the pool at the YMCA I was a member of, and within the first couple of laps I swam right into a soggy floating sandwich! GROSS! "Never again!" I proclaimed.
Anyway, at 5:30am the water feels pretty clean. It's full of old people, and the old men swim past you with a "Mooorrrrning!!" which makes me smile.
Last night I fell asleep on the couch watching Law & Order so it must've been about 9:30. Woke up at nearly 11 and couldn't find any of my swimming stuff straight away so I gave up. I've been so tired this week I probably need the rest anyway! Hurry up and get used to this exercise stuff, body.
I did my C25K stint yesterday. I've done Week 1 a few times before and it seems easier than ever this time around. It's more my legs hurting than any cardio fitness issues making it difficult. I upped my speed a bit - 8.5km in the running which I know is still pretty much turtle speeds but it's fast for me, ok??? haha
Took the dog for a walk afterwards, although the boy wanted to come and he slowed me down a bit. I'm all in serious fast-walking mode and he sees it more as a fun spending time together leisurely thing. Plus he likes to make me laugh while going up hills, and I cannot concentrate on getting up a hill quickly while pissing myself! Dickhead.
The plan after work today is to take the dog for a 45-60min walk.
The girls in my office are both fitness types. One is a runner who also plays netball a couple of nights a week and the other goes to the gym/swimming every day. I've told both of them about my challenge so there's another level of accountability. I've always kept these kinds of things secret - so if I fail, no one will ever know. When I did a 12 week challenge last year I didn't tell anyone except the boy (since we live together and all!) because deep down I didn't believe I could do it.
Not this time! I didn't plan to tell anyone, but I was so excited about it that I just blurted it out. I've since given in-depth details of the plan which is such a new thing for me.
This weekend involves my mum's birthday and dinner with people from work. We're going to an Indian restaurant... I have no idea what to eat, I'm not really a fan of Indian food. So I don't really want to waste a free meal on it! I guess I'll look for chicken or seafood without coconut milk! Pancake Parlour for dinner on Monday for mum's birthday... now that's a free meal! Mmmmm, Jamaican Banana........
Exercise plans for the weekend - gym tomorrow morning (chest/biceps/hamstrings), 30-60min dog walk, C25K & 30-60min dog walk on Sunday.
This week is going fast!
Haha, at work we have a cafe about 200m away with the BEST coffee I've ever had. It's amazing. Unfortunately I have two officemates (who I love btw) who crave the coffee bean even more than I do! And they're a bad influence! They got me up to a one-a-day habit! I've never been the type to purchase a coffee every single day.
So as part of this 13 weeks, my morning snack is a skinny latte & a Slim Secrets Mintabolism bar (which are the best things ever invented in my humble opinion!) on Mondays and Fridays. I came in on Monday and proclaimed my new 2-per-week plan and they've been very good, not coaxing me as they usually do. When I announced my decision, J decided she would follow suit... but she gave herself the leeway for a mid-week Wednesday coffee (which she had yesterday) and this morning she caved and has just gone to get another one.
God I can't believe I just wrote so many words about coffee. It's an important part of life!
Yesterday was good, I went home at lunch to walk the dog as planned and to the gym after work. My gym workout wasn't great, quads and shoulders, but being the first workout I spent most of it dicking around with weights and didn't get much out of it in the end. I'm not even sore today (although my abs are still sore from Monday!). I may get a bit sore by the end of the day though, I shouldn't speak too soon!
A woman at the gym started talking to me yesterday - I hate talking during workouts, I hate the whole "work out with a buddy!!!" thing - it's time for me, y'know. Anyway she was talking to herself out loud while looking at her program "Hammer curls, hammer curls, what are hammer curls? I can't remember what hammer curls are! What are hammer curls!" so to shut her up I quickly demonstrated. Which apparently meant I wanted to be mates! She started going on about how I should get *insert trainer's name here* to do my program cause she's amazing, she really works you hard blah blah blah. She went on for ages about how she'd had the same program for 2 1/2 months and couldn't figure out why she stopped losing weight so she got this new program and it's so great and hard - and then she proceeded to pick up a barbell - no weights, just the bar and start doing curls with it!
Er... if after 2 1/2 months you can only lift a BAR....
Tried to get up at 5:30 again this morning and failed! I am just so opposed to walking outside in the dark. I guess it'll be easier once it starts getting lighter... until daylight saving starts and it gets dark again! Ugh, I should just get over it!
Edit
Holy crap, I forgot the most exciting part! The people at my local Coles now think I'm a complete psycho, because I actually squealed out loud when I saw Old El Paso Wholewheat Tortillas on the shelf!!! I haven't been able to find wholewheat ones anywhere! And I love tortillas! I had one for lunch today with lemon pepper salmon slices, baby spinach, carrot, tomato & red/green capsicum. Mmmmm....
Well Day 2 could have been better. Food was perfect and I did my cardio but missed out on walking the dog. It's not a huge deal but it sucks when you slip up so early on! It was just bad time management, I think.
I got up at 5:20 this morning to walk the dog, only to discover it was REALLY windy outside, like scary windy. Wind freaks me out, I hate it. So I went back to bed. Naughty, I know! I'm going to have a longer lunch today and go home to walk her. After work it's shoulders and quads which I am looking forward to and dreading, because I KNOW how my quads are going to feel tomorrow!
I've been out like a light before 10pm the last two nights. It's so great! Instant insomnia cure. I suppose having my period is contributing to the tiredness.
Ok so you know people always say exercise helps with period pain? It's the opposite for me. I can have no pain at the beginning of a workout, and by the end I'm in agony. Maybe I should get that checked out... while having my overdue pap smear and last Gardasil injection....
Yesterday I did back, triceps and abs. It means I've spent a fair portion of the day whinging that my "triceretopses hurt" ;)
I also discovered that my gym doesn't have clocks. Actually, there's ONE. A tiny little analogue thing in between two tvs in the cardio area. And it doesn't have a seconds hand so even if you could see it from anywhere else in the gym, it would be useless anyway.
So I went to Kmart at lunchtime and got a cute little pink watch. I wanted a waterproof one for swimming, since there's no clocks around the pool either (why won't anyone provide me with time?!), and this one said "water resistant 30m" which I have since learned means "splash-proof". D'oh. I guess you have to spend more than $15 to get an actual waterproof watch. Still, it's cute and pink and has a stopwatch. So whatevs.
I was meant to get up early this morning and do a Couch 2 5km session but SOMEONE keeps stealing my ipod charger so my ipod was flat, and my only charging option was the car charger. I need the podcast to do it! I could have got up and walked the dog but I was just so enjoying that it was the first time in weeks I'd had a really good sleep (thanks exercise!). So after work I need to do C25K AND walk the dog. I wish the sun would come back!
I just got an email from a girl I work with who I've been friends with for years, one big long paragraph with no punctuation telling me what an awful person I am, basically. That was the general gist. We had a dumb argument last week and I had pretty much forgotten about it but apparently it's grounds to end a friendship. I'm actually not really fussed, because I'd only been thinking recently that she kind of annoys me and I don't actually like her all that much. But confrontation and frustration... the combination has had me on the brink of tears all afternoon.
Last week I would have gone home and stuffed my face - today I'm just aching to get home and get on the tready. Ah, if I can just keep up this focus!
Oh and I got my period today. I had no idea it was coming which is crazy on its own because for months I've been having really bad PMS, crying for a week straight etc. I had a bit of a teary last week because I got mad at Big W but that was it. Today I was like "Ohhh! That's why I'm so bloated!". I should really keep track of these things...
Oh yeah, my "friend" mentioned in her email that I'm "negative and draining". Now I'm all paranoid that I am and don't realise. I mean I've been pretty down in general for the last year or so but that doesn't mean I act that way all the time, or even around other people at all. Bleh.
Oh, I have a big confession to make but it's a secret... I started smoking again a few months ago.
Yep, after quitting 2 1/2 years ago. Wtf was I thinking? It started off as a real nostalgia thing, cold winter nights and cigarettes, it all got too much for me. I was having maybe 1 or 2 a week, only on one night. Then it built up until I was racing home to have one so I had time to cover it up before the boy got home. Every day. I was choosing that over exercise.
So Sunday was the day I stopped. For good! I haven't had any urges, it was almost like I just needed that little part in my brain to decide it really did want to stop and then the desire just turned off. Still, I feel like such a fucking idiot. Who starts again after that long?! Why would anyone do it?
Come on hometime....
Well here we are - Day 1! I know 12 weeks challenges are far more common than 13 week challenges, but I'm ready to start now! And it's 13 weeks exactly until I leave for NZ!
I have been so slack this year. I've effectively had a cycle of gain 2kgs, lose 1. Gain 2, lose 1. So uh, I've obviously ended up heavier. Sigh. And then I see photos of myself from 2006 (15ish kilos ago) and remember how I much I hated myself then, how disheartened I was because I was working SO HARD and still thought I looked disgusting. Of course I'd kill to look like that now! Geez I was a moron. Anyway, I inevitably start thinking about how hard it's going to be just to get back to where I started and blah blah blah. It's all just excuses. Not even good ones.
I haven't been to the gym since before I got my last tattoo, which was late June. I took a week off because I didn't want to move around too vigorously while it was healing, and that was it!
So today I start again. I got up at 5:30 and took the dog for a walk, after work it's back to the gym for some upper body work. I'm at a mixed gym now, I've only ever gone to Fernwood before so I'm kind of scared of the beefcake area. There's a lady's section at my gym but they don't have much in there. Wahhhh, I miss the ridiculously expensive gym I used to complain about endlessly! My comfort zone!
Oh yeah - start weight: 88.1. GULP. I took some photos yesterday which weren't pretty but to be honest, didn't look too different from the "before" photos from a 12 week challenge I did about a year ago. I need to take measurements.
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