13 weeks

Yesterday I did back, triceps and abs. It means I've spent a fair portion of the day whinging that my "triceretopses hurt" ;)

I also discovered that my gym doesn't have clocks. Actually, there's ONE. A tiny little analogue thing in between two tvs in the cardio area. And it doesn't have a seconds hand so even if you could see it from anywhere else in the gym, it would be useless anyway.

So I went to Kmart at lunchtime and got a cute little pink watch. I wanted a waterproof one for swimming, since there's no clocks around the pool either (why won't anyone provide me with time?!), and this one said "water resistant 30m" which I have since learned means "splash-proof". D'oh. I guess you have to spend more than $15 to get an actual waterproof watch. Still, it's cute and pink and has a stopwatch. So whatevs.

I was meant to get up early this morning and do a Couch 2 5km session but SOMEONE keeps stealing my ipod charger so my ipod was flat, and my only charging option was the car charger. I need the podcast to do it! I could have got up and walked the dog but I was just so enjoying that it was the first time in weeks I'd had a really good sleep (thanks exercise!). So after work I need to do C25K AND walk the dog. I wish the sun would come back!

I just got an email from a girl I work with who I've been friends with for years, one big long paragraph with no punctuation telling me what an awful person I am, basically. That was the general gist. We had a dumb argument last week and I had pretty much forgotten about it but apparently it's grounds to end a friendship. I'm actually not really fussed, because I'd only been thinking recently that she kind of annoys me and I don't actually like her all that much. But confrontation and frustration... the combination has had me on the brink of tears all afternoon.

Last week I would have gone home and stuffed my face - today I'm just aching to get home and get on the tready. Ah, if I can just keep up this focus!

Oh and I got my period today. I had no idea it was coming which is crazy on its own because for months I've been having really bad PMS, crying for a week straight etc. I had a bit of a teary last week because I got mad at Big W but that was it. Today I was like "Ohhh! That's why I'm so bloated!". I should really keep track of these things...

Oh yeah, my "friend" mentioned in her email that I'm "negative and draining". Now I'm all paranoid that I am and don't realise. I mean I've been pretty down in general for the last year or so but that doesn't mean I act that way all the time, or even around other people at all. Bleh.

Oh, I have a big confession to make but it's a secret... I started smoking again a few months ago.
Yep, after quitting 2 1/2 years ago. Wtf was I thinking? It started off as a real nostalgia thing, cold winter nights and cigarettes, it all got too much for me. I was having maybe 1 or 2 a week, only on one night. Then it built up until I was racing home to have one so I had time to cover it up before the boy got home. Every day. I was choosing that over exercise.

So Sunday was the day I stopped. For good! I haven't had any urges, it was almost like I just needed that little part in my brain to decide it really did want to stop and then the desire just turned off. Still, I feel like such a fucking idiot. Who starts again after that long?! Why would anyone do it?

Come on hometime....