13 weeks

Aw crap! I missed a day! I was doing so well there too.

Yesterday had its ups and downs - I walked the dog first thing in the morning, and my food was all on track. I went to the gym after work and my ear played up - and it had been so good for the last couple of weeks!

Sometimes when it happens while I'm exercising, I get really distressed and panic - hyperventilation + exercise = not good. Sometimes I'll stop whatever I'm doing and just go home.

Yesterday I'd done 15 mins on the elliptical and was about 4 mins into a 15 minute go on the bike. I kept going. I was debating whether I should do my weights or leave it. I did them - I was going to leave out things like step-ups because that sort of stuff seems to make it worse, but I did it. I just kept relaxed and stopped to do some deep breathing if I felt it was worsening. I got through everything!

It was fine by the time I left, and I wasn't feeling upset at all, yet when I got into my car to go home I just burst into tears. It feels so unfair that the two things I want most are to be fit and a healthy weight, and what I need to do to achieve those goals are the main triggers of this stupid condition. The hormones probably contributed to my little pity party.

I hadn't cleaned up the kitchen the night before either so the whole time I was at the gym I was dreading that I'd have to go home and clean up before I could cook dinner. And I knew Bass Boy was out buying shirts so he wouldn't have done it. Well I got home and the kitchen was spotless and gleaming! And he'd tidied up other stuff too. I saw it and just burst into tears (again!). Then he said he'd got me a present, two things that he just had to get because they were both me.

He gave me two Little Miss books - Little Miss Giggles and Little Miss Whoops! Haha, because he makes me giggle hysterically 99% of the time, and I'm always dropping stuff/knocking stuff over/injuring myself/walking into things/falling over etc etc. Then I started bawling even more cause it was so sweet and funny and cute.

It's funny when sometimes he doesn't even know that I'm having a bad day for whatever reason and just does something really nice that I appreciate even more than I would on any other day.

Oh, and Little Miss Giggles has red hair!!!! She's just like me!!! Well, when my hair is natural anyway ;)
And in the book she loses her giggle and Mr Happy helps her find it. It's just like me and Bass Boy!


Anyway. My work is doing the 10,000 steps challenge thing and I signed up just because I do every year, and this year my department paid for our teams so I got free stuff! I got a little purple drink bottle which is pretty cool - it's PURPLE! Not to mention the shitty pedometer that counts probably 50% more steps than you actually do (every year it's the same!). But this year we also got a t-shirt. It's horribly green, and I like green, but it's just... too green. And it says something about 10,000 steps on it and has little footprints or something. Anyway the point was, my manager (our team captain) picked up all the packs with this stuff and because I'm in a different building to them, someone else in my team brought it over to me.

The t-shirt is a large. A men's large I have to assume, because it's MASSIVE. And I mean, I have a lot of Bass Boy's old large t-shirts for wearing to bed and this must be twice the size of them so it's not even men's large, it's just.... super large! I could wear it as a dress, if I was either slutty or had great legs ;)

The thing is, I don't know if that's just the default, or if someone CHOSE that size for me. And now I'm all paranoid that someone thinks that I might possibly require a t-shirt that big!

Man I hope it was a default.

Hmmm. I had a whole rant in my head earlier about celebrities being so skinny these days and completely warping my sense of "normal" or "acceptable" but I've crapped on enough. I'll just say that I am guilty of loving the new 90210, but the girls in it are so painfully thin I find it uncomfortable to watch.